What do we do when feeling positive becomes the mundane?
In the midst of a global pandemic, mental health became an increasingly prominent concern for many individuals. As the world grappled with uncertainty and isolation, the use of antidepressants surged as a means to cope with unprecedented challenges. For me, like countless others, the decision to start antidepressants was a lifeline during the tumultuous times of the pandemic. However, as the fog of depression lifted, an unexpected consequence emerged — my once fervent desire to write had dwindled into nothingness.
The decision to embark on antidepressants was not taken lightly. The overwhelming weight of anxiety and the relentless grip of depression made it difficult to perform even the most basic tasks such as washing my clothes or cleaning the house. Like so many, my work also suffered as schools began to close their doors, and those students who continued online lessons certainly did not receive the best of me. Faced with relentless waves of uncertainty, I sought refuge in antidepressants, hoping to find respite from the emotional turmoil that seemed to echo the state of the world at that time.
Antidepressants proved to be a lifeline. Gradually, the little magic pills brought a semblance of normalcy back into my life, stabilising my mood and providing the necessary buffer to face the day-to-day challenges with a renewed sense of resilience. Yet, as the storm of depression subsided, so too did my creative impulses.
Yet, as my mental health improved, a paradoxical side effect began to unfold. The very thing that had once fuelled my creativity and passion — writing — began to slip away. It was as if the antidepressants, while lifting me out of the heavy burden of despair, also took with them a crucial part of my identity as a writer.
The Complex Dance of Neurochemistry
The intricate relationship between mental health and creativity has long been a subject of fascination and debate. Many artistic geniuses throughout history have grappled with mental health issues, and the idea that suffering is intertwined with creativity is deeply ingrained in our cultural psyche. Van Gogh’s tormented paintings and Sylvia Plath’s poignant poetry are often cited as examples of the profound connection between mental anguish and artistic expression, and you can’t argue with the results — tortured artists are still known to produce exquisite works.
Antidepressants operate on the delicate balance of neurotransmitters in the brain. While incredibly, experts still don’t really know how antidepressants operate (not so comforting), it is believed that they function by elevating the levels of certain chemicals in the brain known as neurotransmitters, and specific neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and noradrenaline, play a role in regulating mood and emotion.
It’s no secret that the world is grappling with a mental health crisis. In Europe, antidepressant consumption has more than doubled in the last 20 years, and about one in eight adults in the U.S. take some form of antidepressant. And while reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are among the most commonly prescribed antidepressants, the question that arises is whether these chemicals that bring relief from the clutches of anxiety and depression may also, inadvertently, dull the heightened states of emotion required to fuel creativity.
The Creative Cost
For some, the internal struggle becomes a creative catalyst — an outlet for expression and a means of making sense of the chaotic landscape within. The question then becomes whether the newfound stability afforded by antidepressants dims the vivid hues of emotional intensity necessary for artistic inspiration.
Does the absence of depression and the levelling of emotional extremes mean sacrificing the very essence that drives artists to create?
In my own experience, the stabilising effects of antidepressants slowly became a safety blanket. Rather than push myself creatively, I was happy to remain content with obligatory daily rituals like work, shopping, or paying bills. More so, it was like a shadow had been cast over my once vivid imagination — a void now existed where my ideas once fermented. The pendulum swing of emotions that once fuelled my writing and sparked feverish insights, seemed to settle into a tranquil equilibrium — leaving me with a sense of calm whilst dampening the creative flame.
Depression and mania, despite their destructive qualities, are also potent sources of inspiration. There seems no doubt that intense emotions and raw vulnerability that accompany these states are often channeled into artistic endeavours, providing a unique depth and authenticity to the creative process. However, we may ask: at what cost? The cost of depression can often be far greater than the cost of a new song, painting, or poem.
“Creativity, not normality, has become the paradigm of mental health.”
Stephen Mitchell
Reclaiming the Creative Spark
It’s crucial to acknowledge that the impact of antidepressants on creativity varies from person to person. While some may experience a surge in creative energy, others may find themselves grappling with a sense of emptiness.
I am reminded that mental health is a deeply personal journey. While medication provides vital support, it may require a renegotiation with our creative selves. Finding the right balance involves introspection, adaptation, and perhaps a willingness to explore alternative outlets for self-expression.
For me personally, the challenge lies in striking a balance between mental well-being and creative expression. My journey with antidepressants since the pandemic has been somewhat of a private pilgrimage, and a nuanced dance between perspective and recalibration. While they offer a lifeline in the maelstrom of mental health struggles, we must also acknowledge that our creative vitality may be altered.
This does not mean our creativity is over, nor does it mean that you should quit antidepressants. Before making any rash decisions, consider how antidepressants have helped you in your life, from your job, to your personal relationships. Perhaps they have enhanced your therapy sessions in some way, or your studies by offering you more clarity and focus. Perhaps they have even saved your life.
I am writing this article on antidepressants. While I admittedly took a two year hiatus from writing, this year I began to reflect on the nature of creativity itself. Is it possible to cultivate creativity in the absence of profound emotional experiences? Can the writer find inspiration in the ordinary, the stable, and the mundane?
The answer, it seems, lies in redefining our sources of inspiration. While depression and mania may offer a tumultuous wellspring of creativity, the stability that antidepressants provide opens up new avenues for exploration. Perhaps the challenge is not in mourning the loss of extreme emotional states but in learning to tap into the subtler nuances of the human condition while becoming more disciplined — setting strict and realistic daily goals. The canvas of creativity may transform, but with introspection and adaptation, new avenues for expression can be discovered, offering a different but equally valid palette for the writer’s muse.
In conclusion, the interplay between antidepressants and creativity is a multifaceted and deeply personal journey. While these medications provide essential relief from mental health challenges, their effect on creative expression is nuanced and individual. It’s important to remember that each person’s experience with antidepressants is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.
Therefore, it is crucial to consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your medication regimen. As we navigate the delicate balance between mental well-being and artistic expression, the key might be to embrace the fluid nature of creativity, find inspiration in everyday moments, and explore new dimensions of our creative selves along the way.
This article was originally published in Invisible Illness on Medium.
Jakob Ryce 
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